By Mark Kutolowski
This is just not doing it for me - he’s not even scratching the surface! My mind began to churn. I had tried to listen to the sermon for a few minutes, but I’d heard and thought about all these ideas decades ago. At first, I started to tune the priest out, and then I began to think about all the connections I could make between this Sunday’s readings. I was a guest teacher at a church outside of Boston, due to give a presentation in the adult education program after the main service. I shifted my seat in the pew and glanced out the window. I spent the next ten minutes in my own mind ruminating on what the priest was missing. I stood, sat, and knelt along with the rest of the congregation for the remainder of the service, but within my mind I continued to focus on what the priest missed – and on what I understood. This will blow them away. They’ve never heard insights like this! By the time coffee hour was over and I stood up to speak, I was fully convinced of my own brilliance, and on what a gift I was bestowing on the half of the church that remained for the class.
As I look back on that class, I don’t remember what the scripture readings were that day, or anything I said. What I do remember is that feeling in my heart that was centered not on God, not on the people who had come to hear me speak, but squarely on myself.
The final two ‘thoughts’ of the desert monastic teaching on the eight thoughts are Vainglory and Pride. Along with acedia, they are considered afflictions of the spirit, and they dwell deep within the recesses of the human heart. Both vainglory and pride relate to motivation and identity, and attach themselves to a multitude of other thoughts, beliefs and actions. They have the capacity to turn virtues into vices, by shifting the motivation for a virtuous thought or action away from serving God and others and towards serving the egoic self. Because an outward act like serving the poor or helping a friend is good, it can be difficult to recognize the subtle shift of the heart that turns our motivation towards self. In this way, vainglory and pride are the most subtle of the thoughts. They are the most deeply entrenched in our beings, and the most dangerous to people sincerely seeking transformation in Christ. If we are not vigilant, we can end up serving ourselves under the delusion that we are serving God.
Evagrius writes:
“It is only with considerable difficulty that one can escape the thought of vainglory. For what you do to destroy it becomes the principle of some other form of vainglory.” - Praktikos 30
The desert monastic disciplines of fasting, vigils (prayer through the night), poverty, chastity, obedience, simplicity of life, and ceaseless prayer were all designed to diminish the self-centeredness of the monk. Yet, the desert elders observed that even these practices could be corrupted and stifle spiritual progress when done for the wrong motivation. In a modern parallel, Father Thomas Keating was fond of telling the story of a Trappist monk who, when he was a young man, used to take great pleasure in winning drinking contests with his friends. After he became a monk, this young man swore off all drinking, and devoted himself to repentance and fasting. Every Lent, he was keen to fast with great austerity, seeking to out-fast all his brother monks! The external environment had changed, but his inner motivation was just as self-centered as when he was winning contests at the bar.
Part of the challenge of vainglory and pride is the ego does not want to be diminished. If we seek to reform our lives and undertake spiritual practices to decrease our ego, the ego will readily shift its arena of interest to remain fully in control of our consciousness. Thus, the champion drinker becomes the champion faster. The aggressive businessman who repents, retires and becomes a pastor soon becomes obsessed with church growth. The person who devotes themselves to serving the poor gauges their sense of worth not on how deeply they love, but on what other people think of their service. The activist who originally concerns themselves with serving the oppressed becomes driven by building their social media influence. It’s a sadly typical pattern in the spiritual life. First, we begin with a sincere effort to serve God. We change our outward behavior, only to discover that our self-serving motivation has come along into our new life in a more subtle and hidden form.
“I came down from heaven not to do my own will, but the will of the One who sent me.” – John 6:38
Divine Glory and Empty Glory
Vainglory literally means ‘empty glory’. Vainglory is an illusion that gives the appearance of glory but is really emptiness. True glory refers to the radiance of God’s presence as revealed to human beings. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for glory is kabod. It has a connotation of weightiness, and bears with it a sense of power, majesty, and dignity. In the New Testament, the Greek word for glory is doxa, which refers to God’s infinite worth and value. Both kabod and doxa also relate to the human action of praising God – of recognizing God’s goodness and majesty in prayer. To give God glory, then, is for a human being to acknowledge the true nature of God. It is to center our hearts on God and remain a humble servant of the infinite Source of all life, goodness and love.
The thought of vainglory, in contrast, takes the glory that belongs to God and attributes it to self. It steals the praise rightly given to God to inflate our private self, strengthening our identification with this ‘false’ self and distancing our awareness of God’s indwelling spirit. The cruel paradox of vainglory is that the moment we seize glory for ourselves, we cut off our access to the vison of divine glory which is our true heart’s desire. We become centered on self, rather than on God. In the effort to gain a sense of worth through human praise, our false self restricts access to the infinite value of resting in God that comes through self-forgetfulness. In this way, vainglory is truly ‘empty glory’. It promises a sense of worth and significance but ends up leaving us barren.
Vainglory, like each of the eight thoughts, leads to a contraction into self. The challenge of this thought, however, is that it typically attaches itself to thoughts and actions that appear good. In order to discern when vainglory is at work, we must be sensitive to the subtle sense of contraction that occurs in the soul when we turn towards self. Even if everything appears ‘good’ on the surface, when we feel that sense of inner stiffening or contraction, we might suspect we have picked up the thought of vainglory at some level.
The only thing ultimately worthy of praise in a person is the indwelling presence of God – which is not our own possession but a pure gift of divine grace. All else is temporary, fleeting, and ‘empty’ of infinite value. The desert teaching on vainglory is not about rejecting praise or status, but about clarity of vision. We are invited to see through the limited value of all human validation to find the only glory that can give lasting peace and freedom to our heart – the participation in divine glory as a free gift of God. The paradox of vainglory and divine glory is revealed in Jesus’ teaching that ‘he who wants to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for me will save it.’[1]When we seek our own glory, we cut ourselves off from participating in divine glory. When we let go of all self-seeking, we begin to mysteriously share in the glory of God within our inmost being.[2]When we exalt ourselves, we are humbled. When we humble ourselves, we are exalted.[3]
Universal vainglory
In exploring the desert teachings on vainglory, I have come to believe that the thoughts of vainglory are an intrinsic attribute of the egoic, separate, or ‘false’ self. This is the self-identity we develop through childhood and solidify in early adulthood. We habitually identify with ourselves as the center of our own consciousness, and separate from God. This ‘separate self’ is intrinsically self-centered, rather than God centered. It evaluates all thoughts, experiences, events and actions as to whether it is good or bad for itself.[4]
Within the separate self, vainglory is the thought pattern that relates to affirmation and esteem. The separate self is inherently fragile, as it is finite, mortal and vulnerable, unlike our true self which is ‘hidden with Christ in God’[5]and shares in God’s eternity. The separate self, fragile as it is, is constantly looking for ways to reaffirm its value and substance. Vainglory, in its essence, is this impulse from the separate self to say, ‘I am special’ or ‘I am important’ or even ‘I exist’. Can we see how deep this thought runs? If we try to face the thought of vainglory, we are facing the inner architecture of the psyche that keeps our awareness centered on self and prevents us from habitually resting in God. This self-serving aspect of our inner makeup is the life that Jesus teaches we must lose in order to enter into true life.[6]
Not only does the thought of vainglory run deep in the human psyche, it is also powerfully reinforced by assumptions in culture. In secular culture, self-esteem is taught as a basic good and virtue. Lost is the nuance that both feeling good about myself and feeling bad about myself are forms of focusing on self. Neither leads to the self-forgetfulness that is the gateway to entering the radiance of consciousness centered on God. Secular culture assumes the separate self is all there is – there is no awareness of a true self that rests in God. Because of this, it has made an art-form out of building up the sperate self. It’s everywhere, from the promises of happiness woven into every advertisement, to the massive self-help industry. To free ourselves from vainglory, we need to become aware of its pervasive influence not only within our own minds, but within the underlying assumptions of our culture.[7]
Because it runs so deep, I believe it’s not helpful to think of vainglory as a specific thought affliction, like gluttony or lust, that I may or may not be faced with at any given moment. Rather, we can safely assume that vainglory is at work ‘behind the scenes’ in most of our thoughts and actions. If it weren’t, we’d already be in conscious union with God. We’d already be saints. Even when we act in genuine spiritual freedom to serve God and others, vainglory can sweep in after the fact to try and use the good deed as a source of self-affirmation (‘Wow, I really am good/holy!’).[8]
Evagrius gives this example:
“ I have observed the demon of vainglory being chased by nearly all the other demons, and when his pursuers fell, shamelessly he drew near and unfolded a long list of his virtues.”
Paradoxically, by acknowledging the universal presence of vainglory, we gain a degree of freedom from its influence. Once we affirm that we have vainglory within our psyche, we’ve begun to diminish the vainglorious idea that we are complete within ourselves. Humility has begun to gain a foothold in our awareness. We have begun the essential practice of watchfulness: critically observing our psyche to discern the origin, nature, and quality of our thoughts.
Types of Vainglory
Vainglory can express itself in various forms: Vanity, worldly glory, religious vainglory, and spiritual vainglory. By briefly looking at each, we can grow in awareness of this thought form.
Vanity– Identifying one’s sense of worth or value based on how we are perceived (by ourselves or others). This includes appearance, attributes, and accomplishments. The expressions of vanity can vary considerably from culture (or subculture) to culture, but its hallmark is concern with the perception of others. This is so common in contemporary American culture that we even have a popular magazine named for it.[9]
Worldly vainglory– Thoughts or actions pursuing status, approval, admiration, or other ‘social gain’. This includes all posturing, ‘performing’ for others, and vying for affection or popularity. Again, this is so pervasive in our culture that it is the assumed motivation behind common social activity, such as the battle for sports championships (what are they actually competing for?) or professional awards and promotions. Social media and the quest for online influence has only increased the opportunities for vanity to take root in our culture.
Religious vainglory– Vainglory transferred to religious actions and beliefs. This can include generosity that is motivated by other’s admiration,espousing certain beliefs because they are popular, or fasting or living simply in order to be the ‘best’ at these disciplines. Preaching or teaching to gain attention, approval, or admiration (like I did in the opening story) is a classic example of religious vainglory. Religious teachings may be designed to combat vainglory, yet church members all carry the same potential susceptibility to vainglory as any other people. The thought form (vainglory) is quite willing to put on the religious ‘garment’ in order to keep operating under the social rules of a religious culture.
Spiritual vainglory– More subtle than religious vainglory, spiritual vainglory occurs when we take credit for spiritual experiences as accomplishments of self rather than as unmerited gifts of God. For example, if I experience an upwelling of warmth and inner peace in my heart during prayer, vainglory will suggest that this is a sign of my spiritual growth. Vainglory suggests that I am holy not because of my inherent dignity as a child of God (just like everyone else), but rather because of my unique personality or accomplishments. This is why St. John of the Cross and others teach that the proper response to all spiritual consolations received during prayer (warmth, comfort, peace, insight, or the more dramatic ecstasies, visions, and locutions) is to be grateful and immediately let them go. As soon as we start reflecting on these experiences, we are tempted to make them our own possessions and vainglory has taken hold. In this way, what was a divine gift is corrupted, becoming an obstacle to further self-surrender to God. Astute spiritual directors through the centuries have observed that spiritual experiences are not necessarily a sign of holiness and can be turned towards self-inflation to the detriment of the individual and their community.[10]
Remedies for Vainglory – Action in Secret and Watchfulness
How can we address the spirit of vainglory within our hearts? Two practices from the ancient church—one exterior and one interior—offer remedies: Action in Secret and Watchfulness.
Action in Secret: Jesus teaches the practice of action in secret in the Sermon on the Mount:
“When you give alms,
do not let your left hand know what your right is doing,
so that your almsgiving may be secret.
And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
When you pray, go to your inner room,
close the door, and pray to your Father in secret.
And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
When you fast, anoint your head and wash your face,
so that you may not appear to be fasting,
except to your Father who is hidden.
And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you-Matthew 6:3-4, 6, 17-18
To ‘act in secret’ means to do righteous action for its own sake, with no concern for the opinion of others or how it might benefit ourselves. This can be done literally, as with anonymous donations. It can be as simple as cleaning up dog puke in our home when we see it, and then never telling our spouse that the dog threw up or that we cleaned it. Action in secret can also be done figuratively, as any action done without self-concern. When we act ‘in secret’, we are trying to restrict any potential social gain from our actions. By making a conscious effort to act in secret, we directly contradict the (often unconscious) motivating energies of vainglory. We begin to love for love’s sake, rather than for our own sake. The more we bring this conscious effort into practice, the more we purify our hearts and our intentions. We begin to experience the freedom of loving and serving as goods in and of themselves.
While action in secret can be done in any environment, I have found that taking a solitary retreat is a powerful aid in this practice. When I am completely alone, it becomes much easier to extract my actions from the motivation of influencing others. Doing this for a few days can provide a reset and give a new baseline for acting from freedom when in the company of other people.
Watchfulness: Watchfulness is the practice of observing thoughts rising and falling in consciousness, and discerning the nature, origin, and quality of thoughts before allowing them to take root in mind and heart. In relation to vainglory, this means questioning the motivation behind a thought before we consent to the thought and begin to give it strength. Within the souls of those who are consciously trying to serve God, vainglory gains its power when it can quietly attach itself to otherwise good thoughts and actions. By learning to question the intention of our thoughts, we can expose the places where vainglory is at work, and remove its stifling influence from our hearts.
Watchfulness can begin in times set aside for prayer, and then can become a practice we extend to all aspects of life. The more orderly and less distracted our life is, the easier it is to practice watchfulness of thoughts. After practicing watchfulness in prayer, a natural next step is to practice watchfulness during times of walking alone, or during simple manual labor – conditions where the mind is not heavily engaged with the task at hand. Eventually, the goal is to move into a state of constant watchfulness, or prayer without ceasing.
John Cassian and the desert elders also recommend the practice of revealing one’s thoughts to a trusted elder. By giving voice to our thoughts, it becomes easier for both ourselves and the elder to see clearly the more subtle workings of vainglory. Once exposed to the light of awareness, vainglory loses its power. While many of us may not have access to such an elder, we can adopt a modified version of this practice by writing down our thoughts in a journal. Any practice that brings the flow of thought into greater consciousness can help with the practice of watchfulness.
Vainglory is an essential component of the inner architecture of the false (or separate) self. When we begin to observe the thought of vainglory clearly, the false self begins to soften and unravel. When we pray without ceasing, there’s little space for the false self to continue to feed the spirit of vainglory. When vainglory is slowly starved in this way, the false self continues to fade, leaving greater room for the Holy Spirit to reign in our heart and in our mind.
Working with vainglory means facing the inner workings of our false self. Our exploration of the eight thoughts has now led us into the inner chambers of what blocks our conscious union with God. Next week, we move deeper still into the final, and most fundamental, thought that obstructs our freedom in God – pride.
[1]Lk 9:24
[2]II Cor 3:18
[3]Mt 23:12
[4]This is, of course, the bitter fruit of the ‘Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil’ in the story of the creation and fall of humanity in Genesis 2 and 3.
[5]Col 3:3
[6]Mt 10:39, among others
[7]It seems obvious to me that adults, in order to grow spiritually, are called to grow beyond ‘self-esteem’ into self-forgetfulness and greater awareness of God. The question of children is more complex. Many models of human development, as well as spiritual teachers I respect, suggest that children need to first experience the building up of a strong sense of self before then can undergo the adult spiritual journey of self-emptying. This would seem to validate the idea of building self-esteem in children. Yet, I’m coming to question whether it’s helpful for parents or other adults to consciously try to build up a child’s sense of self-esteem through praise, or through teaching the child to identify with their attributes (‘You’re such a good girl!’) or accomplishments (through awards and trophies). Many indigenous cultures, for example, minimize both praise and criticism in their childrearing practices, and raise relaxed and contented children who grow into well-balanced adults.
[8]Jesus offers a remedy for this tendency in a teaching that sounds harsh to our modern (self-affirming) ears: “When you have done all you have been commanded, say ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’” -Lk 17:10
[9]Vanity Fair, with 2019 circulation of 1.2 million.“Vanity Fair” originally meant “a place or scene of ostentation or empty, idle amusement and frivolity”—a reference to the decadent fair in John Bunyan’s 1678 book, The Pilgrim’s Progress.
[10]A related, more positive observation: God sometimes gives tremendous spiritual gifts and consolations to seemingly undeserving people. Much as in the story of the prodigal son, someone who has been praying for decades may receive few felt consolations, while someone praying for the very first time can have an overwhelming vision of heavenly glory the first time he prays. God gives his grace to all – it’s not our role to assign any ego-value to any gift that comes from God.
Like a vapor that vanishes